Rietro madness
by evil-domager
Summary: While writing a Rietro stuff happens... Slight Rietro bashing!


Rietro madness  
  
Disclaimer: Sue me!  
  
Author's note: This fic is absolute madness! This is what happens when you write because you can't sleep. Slight Rietro bashing but nothing too serious. Reviews and flames welcome.  
  
ED (the author, me, short for evil_Domager) keeps rolling in his bed. He can't sleep and since there is nothing good on TV and new computer games have yet to appear this week it's time to write something...  
  
A couple of key presses later and X-men alternate universe number 15673823 is born. ED is now floating in space in said universe. He looks around and sees nothing, just black. He shrugs, makes a hand gesture and shouts:  
  
"Let there be light!"  
  
Stars appear all around him, behind him the Sun has materialized along with the solar system and now he is floating in Earth orbit.  
  
"That's better!"  
  
ED slowly begins to drop down to Earth, destination Bayville.  
  
"What to do...I know! How about a Rietro?" Talking to himself again...what a looser.  
  
"Ok...general plot...hmmmm...Pietro and Rogue like each other and accidentally get paired up in a school assignment and then sparks fly...sounds right!"  
  
ED is standing next to a teacher. Nobody can see him unless he allows it. It's his universe so he can do whatever he wants. The teacher is talking like a zombie.  
  
"Kids I have decided that you must do an assignment in pairs. The pairs are...........Rogue and Pietro............" (A/N: The other pairs are not of importance)  
  
Rogue and Pietro are not too thrilled about it but now they have to be together for a while.  
  
"Ok now Pietro has some sort of internal struggle and decides to ask Rogue on a date..." ED stops to see Pietro talking to bunch of girls.  
  
"Ok! Plan B!" ED snaps his fingers.  
  
"So ladies what do you say if I..." Pietro stops talking mid sentence with a blank look on his face.  
  
"Must ask Rogue out..." Pietro starts walking towards Rogue while the other girls are in shock.  
  
"Making progress!" ED has a smirk on his face and listens to Pietro's proposal.  
  
"So Rogue, do you want to go out with a guy that has a 7 inch penis in diameter?"  
  
ED has huge bulging eyes and his mouth is wide open. He snaps his fingers and time stops.  
  
"What the hell was that? This guy actually gets dates?" ED shrugs and snaps his fingers.  
  
"Let's try this again...the RIGHT way!"  
  
"Ummm Rogue..."  
  
"What do you want Pietro?"  
  
"Well I've been having these feelings for you for a while..."  
  
"Yhea, for the last 52 seconds to be exact!" says ED with a smile on his face.  
  
"What are ya trying to say Pietro?"  
  
"Well the thing is I like you...what do you say we go out and talk about it?"  
  
"Drop dead asshole!"  
  
ED stopped time again.  
  
"What is wrong with you people?" So ED snapped his fingers again to fix it.  
  
"Ah don't know...ah mean ah kinda like you too...ah always have..."  
  
"Sure you did!" ED said frowning.  
  
"...what the heck, ok, fhain!"  
  
"Great! Pick you up around 8!"  
  
They both turn around and leave.  
  
"Finally!"  
  
ED speeds time up until the date.  
  
Pietro had taken Rogue to a fancy restaurant. They both ordered some exotic food. Pietro insisted that the food must be special. Then Rogue and Pietro talked while waiting for the food. ED was also there sipping some Bordeaux wine.  
  
"Château Léoville Barton 1845! A fine year! And Rogue and Pietro haven't done anything stupid for the last hour! Life couldn't be any sweeter!"  
  
The food had arrived and had been wolfed down by both Pietro and Rogue.  
  
"Such a lack of manners! I should fix this...screw it they need some public humiliation! It builds character!" ED chuckled an sipped some more wine.  
  
"Pietro, ya don't look so good..." Pietro was looking rather green.  
  
"I think I'm going to die!"  
  
Pietro then threw up all over Rogue.  
  
"Ok, this needs some fixing!"  
  
Fingers snap and everything is now better. They even eat the food with forks this time. However somebody behind them throws up on his wife.  
  
"Oh ma gwad, how embarrassing! What if that had been us?"  
  
"No food can hurt Quicksilver!" Said Pietro and smiled. Rogue smiled back at him.  
  
"I beg to differ..." ED watched as they paid their bill and left.But now Rogue and Pietro have decided to talk more at the Brotherhood house.  
  
ED groans. "Talk, talk, talk...I want action!" More time fast forwarding...  
  
Rogue and Pietro were now in a warm embrace.  
  
"Yes!" ED was now happy  
  
"I really enjoyed this evening Rogue..."  
  
"Ah did too..."  
  
They slowly drifted together into a deep passionate kiss which lasted for a minute or so. Then Pietro drops to the floor, dead.  
  
"What the hell?" ED stops time again. He takes 'The Book of Knowledge' out of one of his pockets, puts on a pair of glasses on the tip of his nose, flips a couple of pages and starts to read out loud.  
  
"Rogue has the ability to absorb the life force and thoughts of others into herself...she can never touch another living thing for too long or she might kill it...Oh, my bad!" ED puts 'The Book of Knowledge' and the glasses into one of his pockets and snaps his fingers. He watches the kiss again drooling and again Pietro drops dead.  
  
"What? Again? I'm sure I did something..."  
  
Todd runs into the room with Wanda chasing him.  
  
"Todd come back, I love you!"  
  
"Yo, I don't know what drugs you took snuggles, but if I take advantage of this you're going to kill me when you come around!"  
  
"Why would I want to kill you, baby cakes? I love you!"  
  
ED just stared blankly at this while Rogue was mourning Pietro. Wanda had used one of her hex bolts to catch Todd and was now squeezing the life out of...er...hugging Todd.  
  
"I love you!"  
  
"I...love...you...too...but...I...need...air..." Todd was barely being able to breathe.  
  
"Ok, enough!" ED snaps his fingers yet again, trying to make things better.  
  
Again the kiss scene but this time Rogue drops dead. ED had failed.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
"I knew my powers would do this..." Says Pietro, starting to cry.  
  
"I switched their powers? Oh well at least it's affecting them now...I'm getting closer..." Fingers snap.  
  
Kiss with both of them dropping dead.  
  
"No!" Said ED bored. Fingers snap again.  
  
Kiss with nothing happening to Rogue and Pietro but Todd runs into the room with Wanda after him again.  
  
"No!"  
  
Kiss then they both smile at each other showing off their fangs.  
  
"I don't think so!"  
  
Kiss with Wanda and Todd coming in. ED cocks his eyebrow.  
  
"What now?"  
  
Wanda promptly starts to passionately kiss Rogue while Todd and Pietro stare at the two girls.  
  
"Yo, I don't even know why I'm here!"  
  
"I must admit I am somehow strangely aroused by this..."  
  
"You scare me Pietro! I mean that's your sister..."  
  
"Shut-up-and-enjoy-Toad!" Todd shrugs and does as he is told.  
  
ED also stares for a while and then snaps back to reality.   
  
"Although it might have potential, I say no!"  
  
Kiss with sudden appearance of Lance wearing a mask on his face while wielding a chainsaw. He laughs for a while then starts to sing.  
  
"I'm the bad ass killer, There ain't nobody iller, You're ice cold dead, Coz' I'm the fuckin' killer..."  
  
"Well ain't that cute, but it's WRONG!"  
  
Kiss with an appearance of Fred wearing a sumo outfit.  
  
"I am Yokozuna!"  
  
"Sure, whatever gets you through the day...NO!"  
  
Several hours later ED was hitting his head on a wall. Then he continued to work on the problem.  
  
Kiss with a guest appearance from Pyro who sets the room on fire and starts to sing.  
  
"It's getting hot in here, So take off all your clothes..."  
  
"No, no, NO!"  
  
Kiss with Logan smashing the door down wearing a pink tutu.  
  
"Hell no!"  
  
Kiss then nothing bad happens. Pietro grabs Rogue and zooms off to the X-mansion to drop her off.  
  
"'Bout time! My fingers hurt!" ED yawns "I had enough fun..." He disappears and reappears in front of his computer. He saves the file then collapses on the keyboard, sleeping.  
  
Meanwhile back in X-men alternate universe 15673823, at the X-mansion.  
  
"Hey, I've got hair!" Professor Xavier starts to admire himself in a mirror. 


End file.
